Chesterton

I have a very real fondness for G.K. Chesterton. That man has a knack for gathering up an immense pile of truths and distilling them into one sentence. I have started re-reading Orthodoxy and relishing the tiny gems that show up in every paragraph--often more than once!

He was writing of reason, and how it is over-reasoning that leads to madness; it is too much belief in one's self that lands him in Hanwell. But my favorite quote of the night has to be this: "If the madman for an instant could become careless, he would become sane." If for an instant, he could stop being the center of the world, with all his paranoias and rationalizations, he could free himself to just be a human being. That quote made me stop and reflect on my life. Back in high school, I had worries and paranoias and fears, but quite honestly, they were far more poetic than the ones I have now! How amusing I found that!

If for an instant, I can decide that it really doesn't matter if I screw up the presentation or practice enough or play perfectly or find the right words for a phrase, suddenly it frees me to find all these things precisely because it doesn't matter if I find them or not. An incredible paradox, but one of the greatest truisms I have seen in my time.

Going to graduate school for Gregorian chant performance is a wild and weird thing to do. "What kind of job can you get with it?" queried A. Don't know--don't care. I can be careless, cautionless for this instant--and perhaps make one of the best decisions of my life. Because I am not responsible for whether or not it works out; that is in God's hands, not mine. For this instant, I can stop being the center of the universe. Not every decision I make effects the fate of the world--I can be careless for an instant, and free myself to do the best I can, because whether or not I succeed ultimately doesn't matter!! There is no pressure! But I can tell you something--I know for a fact that when I can be careless about something, I do it better.

Friday morning rain

I haven't actually brought myself to get out of bed and look out the window, but it sounds like it is nasty out there this morning. It is raining. Under other circumstances, I would relish the sight and sound of fall rain, but I actually have to trudge out in it so I can go to work and classes.

I think I have found the graduate program of my dreams: an MA in Chant and Ritual Song. If only I could get the people who run it to e-mail me back! Almost a week, and no response. It is perfect: it would combine my desire to learn about conducting (for the chant), to study and further true sacred music, to learn about the Middle Ages (because you study chant in context), and to study in Ireland. I just have to trust that if it really is good for me, God will give it to me in His time--which oddly never seems to coincide with my timetable. ;)

Tonight my trio is going on a local college radio show. I'm very excited! We've almost become local celebrities in a way. Very encouraging. :)

Fascinating!!

For your reading pleasure: the chironomy of Gregorian chant.

http://interletras.com/canticum/Eng/Rhythm_chironomy.htm

Gradate school ho!

Many music-related things have been on my mind lately.  I’m very excited about choosing conducting for my graduate study.  Now it is a matter of choosing the right program for me and getting into it.  I’m a bit nervous but rather convinced that if I continue to work hard, I can get in.

Something has been bothering me about my church choir lately; how precisely does one go about teaching a choir hymns in parts if she can scarcely sight-sing herself?  Banging out parts on the keyboard seems banal and ineffective.  Maybe I should speak with Grace on that issue.  Father seems to be 100% behind whatever I choose to do with the choir, provided it’s within the guidelines laid down in Pius X’s Motu Proprio on sacred music—which reminds me, I need to get my hands on a copy of that document.

I had a wonderful conversation with my priest yesterday concerning women and education and other things.  It was truly enlightening and “edifying,” as Father likes to say.  I apparently need to do more independent reading on the Middle Ages:  women were not regarded as simply child-bearing accomplices to men.  They were so much more in so many fields.  I am so much less confused after I speak with him.

A Therese Quote

Without love, deeds, even the most brilliant, count as nothing. -- Be not afraid to tell Jesus that you love Him; even though it be without feeling, this is the way to oblige Him to help you, and carry you like a little child too feeble to walk. --St. Thérèse of Lisieux