Movin' on
In light of yesterday's revelation from the paper, I've decided that it is time to move onto other (and hopefully better) things.
This poses a problem, however. I had only just resolved that I would stay at the paper, teach in the evenings, play with the band on weekends, prepare to take graduate school auditions next fall, and return to school in fall '08. Things were rather settled for once in my life, and it was almost pleasant, if somewhat dull.
Only now I can't stay at the paper, and I'm wondering where to go from here.
I have two options: a) go find a full-time writing job elsewhere, cease teaching, and enjoy my weekends with the band; or b) say 'so long' to the system and shamelessly sell myself as a teacher and performer.
Option a) wouldn't be awful. I'd have to drop the studio because I couldn't work full-time and commute and still teach all of my students, simply because of the overlap between lessons and a nine-to-five job. I could still teach out of my home one night a week or so, but I wouldn't be able to stay at the studio--thus losing many of my kids. But I'd have steady income, would be a contributing member of society, would have a healthplan, and could live a quasi-normal life (as normal as I'll ever get, haha). I could still play during evenings and weekends and thus, in theory, satisfy my creative needs.
Option b) is far riskier and far less supported by my family (yes, I am aware that at 22 I am capable of making my own decisions). It would involve me having to cover my own healthcare, handling my own expenses, staying in the area where my studios are rather than adventuring elsewhere potentially more exciting. It would also require me to face my most stubborn fears of inadequacy, imperfection, and the like.
Option b) would give me the pleasure and frustration of giving myself to the furthering of my art and the nurturing of my students' talents and understanding daily. It would allow me to organize things the way I dream of, including theory and listening as part of lessons and really giving my students a holistic understanding of music on a level I can't quite not simply because of the advance preparation that I don't have time for.
Yes, I am remembering to pray for enlightenment, but I feel almost that God would be happy to see me do either as long as I did it with love and passion. I don't know what to do.
This poses a problem, however. I had only just resolved that I would stay at the paper, teach in the evenings, play with the band on weekends, prepare to take graduate school auditions next fall, and return to school in fall '08. Things were rather settled for once in my life, and it was almost pleasant, if somewhat dull.
Only now I can't stay at the paper, and I'm wondering where to go from here.
I have two options: a) go find a full-time writing job elsewhere, cease teaching, and enjoy my weekends with the band; or b) say 'so long' to the system and shamelessly sell myself as a teacher and performer.
Option a) wouldn't be awful. I'd have to drop the studio because I couldn't work full-time and commute and still teach all of my students, simply because of the overlap between lessons and a nine-to-five job. I could still teach out of my home one night a week or so, but I wouldn't be able to stay at the studio--thus losing many of my kids. But I'd have steady income, would be a contributing member of society, would have a healthplan, and could live a quasi-normal life (as normal as I'll ever get, haha). I could still play during evenings and weekends and thus, in theory, satisfy my creative needs.
Option b) is far riskier and far less supported by my family (yes, I am aware that at 22 I am capable of making my own decisions). It would involve me having to cover my own healthcare, handling my own expenses, staying in the area where my studios are rather than adventuring elsewhere potentially more exciting. It would also require me to face my most stubborn fears of inadequacy, imperfection, and the like.
Option b) would give me the pleasure and frustration of giving myself to the furthering of my art and the nurturing of my students' talents and understanding daily. It would allow me to organize things the way I dream of, including theory and listening as part of lessons and really giving my students a holistic understanding of music on a level I can't quite not simply because of the advance preparation that I don't have time for.
Yes, I am remembering to pray for enlightenment, but I feel almost that God would be happy to see me do either as long as I did it with love and passion. I don't know what to do.
posted by Anna Clare at 6:31 PM
1 Comments:
hey anna! i was doing some late night facebook browsing, and i saw that there's a lot going on in your life! like . . . your car is dead? and you bought a new flute?!?!?!
i can relate to this life decisions thing. sometimes, i think you're right. that God doesn't have a "right choice" for our lives that we should agonize over choosing. i feel like it is important to pray, reflect, get advice, consider, decide, and then dive in without looking back! it is terrifying though. i'm kind of enjoying being a semester behind most of my friends from home and york, it's interesting to see where everyone else ends up before i have to take the plunge!
talk to you later :)
jessie
(oh, my senior recital is going to be a week from friday! prayers appreciated ;) )
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